Introduction of Writing That Demonstrates Revision and Reseeing Work

My first paper of the quarter was written about identity and personal choice. I didn't do poorly on this paper but I could have done a lot better if I had spent more time going back and making sure the content of my paper supported my thesis. I had some good ideas but my thesis, which wasn’t particularly strong to begin with, really got lost. I summarized essays from the text instead of analyzing and I just feel I could have done much better with my ideas if I had spent some time thoroughly reading through the assignment. It asked that there be some conclusion about the relationship between identity and personal choice, and I really didn’t show that very well.
In the first part of the paper I wrote about Firoozeh Dumas and the challenges she faced as someone with an “un-American” name and her choice to change it. The following is just a few sentences from the paper that I ended up removing in the revision: “The author describes her life after her decision to change her name from Firoozeh to Julie as much easier. Later, after college when Dumas began looking for a job, she even found using her American name provided her with more interviews.” There is nothing new or insightful being shared by me, the writer, about Dumas. In the revision, I went back to the paper and eliminated any unnecessary summaries and instead, substituted more analysis, which is what would have made this a stronger paper.